Talking about the weather…

Like thousands of other New England homeowners, I spent the day waiting for the roofers. I’m no genius, but this might be a problem.

ICE DAM

Or… this.

ICICLES

As soon as the mercury rises a scoach, we’ll need umbrellas to pass through the front door. And we’ll have to pass through the front door, because we’re snow prisoners at every other portal to the house. Instagram cannot really do justice to the historic enormity of it all because everything is just so very… white. Snow this deep has nothing peeking out for perspective. So, we use props—like our kids or the basketball hoop— to collect Kodak proof that it is really up to there.

BRODIE SNOWHOOP

The children are becoming stupider, public transportation is crippled, roofs are caving, decks are sagging, and forced family togetherness and nothing but white white white is making us a bit loony. It was snowing again this morning. We oscillate between fist shaking disbelief, muttered expletives, and giggles. Because, really? REALLY? We tentatively joke that the unrelenting snow has a bit of a Biblical feel to it… if the Bible stories took place, you know, in colder climes. But we’re shy to make these jokes, because maybe a little part of us thinks this might be supernatural karmic payback for all of that Super Bowl gloating.

Whatever this is, it’s beginning to feel like punishment.

Those of us who haven’t budgeted thousands of dollars for shoveling, roofing, and re-painting (not to mention ice melt and fender benders and snacks and wine) are wondering if our homeowner’s insurance will pony up or if our plans will deem The Winter of 2015 an Act of God. Another 4 to one hundred inches of snow is expected again between tomorrow and this weekend and our collective learned helplessness and StormWatch fatigue leave us nonplussed.

However, New England law dictates that I must don a sleeping bag-cum-jacket, race to the grocery for more crock pot necessities, and check the vents and alarms and drains before this new snow. And then once more for the next scheduled wintry mix promised for Valentine’s Day. If carbon monoxide and icicle daggers don’t get us, boredom might. We are absolutely desperate to talk about anything but the weather, but there is nothing to talk about except the weather, and if you’re not currently suffering through this weather, forgive us our snarky comments on your ice-dam-free posts. It’s raining INSIDE over here.

The only distraction is today’s insanely large Power Ball draw. Reporters could interview any number of locals about dream plans for impossible winnings, and I’d wager nearly all of them would include moving closer to the equator. After 72 inches of snow, even this Atlantis-escaping advocate of happy homebody-ness is willing to give the islands another go. Stir-craziness will cause most of us to stand in line at the convenience store to buy tickets for a 1:170 million opportunity of a warmer life. And while we’re in line, you’ll find us talking about… the weather.

This is the State of the Commonwealth, darling reader from afar. We’re dodging ice daggers, pairing all outfits with unflattering, puffy clothes, packing on the pounds, and using our best Emily Blunt voice to repeat, “I love my kids. I love my kids. I love my kids.” And really, we do. But after the 158th “… ugh, but there’s nothing to do” and neverending requests during a neverending day, cocktail hour now applies to school nights. Luckily, I’ve got my tickets to paradise right here.

POWERBALL

Here’s my 1:170 million chance to write future posts from St. Barths. Sadly, winning a half billion dollars is far more likely than the slimmest chance than we won’t need to shovel again, or need Marcello because it’s raining in the foyer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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6 responses

  1. You said it.
    As I twisted the wand on Logan’s window blinds this evening, secret hiding water on each slat, rained down on me like an unwanted water feature. Do you know how much we paid for an all new roof and exterior house swag this summer? I think I threw up a touch, but like I tell myself: hang in, this too shall pass – after much distress I fear. ❤
    1:175 as I type.

    • NO! I love the video of his front flip from the upper deck into the snow pile, though. At some point, we’ll marvel and laugh and reminisce fondly about the winter of our discontent. Just not yet.

  2. Yikes! That is a pile of snow Britt. I’ve seen more but never as far south as the Commowealth. In a competetive market place there is a seldom discussed fact – everything is designed to operat within a specified range. I have run into this detail a number of times in life i.e. chairs and ladders are only rated to 250 lbs (I have been more and have broken some of those items, only to be lectured by suppliers), motor vehicles only operate between -30 and + 30 , etc. My guess is that your roof was never designed to hold 72 inches of snow. Up here in Canada, especially the further north regions, the roofs have much steeper slopes so the snow won’t build up and many people use heaters along the edge of the roof to prevent ice dams that cause a backup of moisture under the shingles and leakage into the house.

    Anyway, i feel bad for your predciament. I hope it all works out OK and you win the powerball.

  3. These ice dams built up IN SPITE OF THE HEATERS! You are absolutely correct in that this weather has simply overwhelmed our homes and gadgets. I’ve had this conversation every year with our renters who want to know why they cannot get the condo to 68 degrees when it’s 100 outside. When I explain that the system can only handle about 20 to 25 degree differential, this always surprises them, you know, that there are limits. I think it’s an American quality, really. We get irrationally angry when our stuff fails, especially by things we cannot control. But this rather biblical snow, with even more predicted soon, has us all a bit beaten. I can’t wait to have that “the AC isn’t working!” complaint from my tenant. xoxo

    • Whew! the heaters are overwhelmed – yikes! When too much now falls here there are folks you can hire to get up on the roof and push the snow down. I’ve not seen a residential sloped roof collase but the weight load gets wicked. I suppose the real danger is when it warms up a bit and the snow gets wet. I have seen quite a few industrial flat roofs collapse from snow weight.

      By the way, to correct my previous temp range = vehicles are only designed to work between -40 and + 40 celcius which is -40 (the same) and +104 farhenheit. You can buy special additions, etc to work outside tha range but only if you ask. i used to haul gasoline and they put an additive in during the summer to keep the gas from forming vapor locks and stalling the car. That additive is only good to 100 F.

      You are right, most people freak when something is not working the way they expect it – but the issue is they also want their services and goods at a competitive price. You can design a house to run the summer temp to -20 F when it is 100 F outside and it would cost you a years salary just to run it. (i used to haul into commercial freezers).

      Anyway, best of luck – the powerball would be nice. 😀

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