Dumber than the thermostat

Conversations with the “smart” thermostat…

Britt:  I’m always cold. You should know this about me. I’ll grab a sweater for 70 degrees, but let’s just hang out at 72.

Smart Thermostat:   I can be programmed 539 ways! You can adjust me from your PHONE! You’ll save SO MUCH MONEY! I am SO SMART!

Britt:   Why is it 64 degrees in here?

ST:  Well, it’s morning. I turned it back last night. After you went to bed. I didn’t think you really meant 68.

Britt:   I did.

ST:   No biggie. You can always click “manual” and I’ll do whatever you want. YOU CAN DO THIS FROM YOUR PHONE!

Britt:  Great. Why isn’t it 72 degrees now?

ST:   I thought you were “away” and when you are “away” I get sad and return to 64 degrees because you always come running when it’s 64 degrees.

Britt:   That’s sweet, but I’m cold. And I clicked “manual,” so really, I got this.

ST:   Awesome. Did I mention I can be programmed 4,923 ways. FROM YOUR PHONE?

Britt:   Yes, I’ve been told. But it’s 68 degrees again.

ST:   I just can’t even with this 72 degrees, Britt. Go get a sweater.

Britt:   Please stop being “smart.” My fingers are numb.

ST:  OK. 72 degrees. FINE. I mean, the tool belt boys must be sweating, but whatever.

Britt:  OH MY GOD WHY IS IT 64 DEGREES AGAIN?

ST:   I’ll only “Hold until 6pm,” Britt. No one keeps the thermostat up that high for that long.

Britt:   I do.

ST:  (Not anymore)

Britt: I HEARD THAT.

*rips thermostat off of wall*

67828-carrier-cor-box

My thermostat, that refuses to stay at this temperature.

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5 responses

  1. My parents used to have a fan in their kitchen controlled by a switch called “Intellitouch.” It was a baffling pair of toggles that never behaved the same way twice. We all called it Stupidotouch.

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